Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
