I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
