We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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