I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
