he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I AM VODKA MAN
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
