Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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