I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
