Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
