Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
