Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
two words: eviction party
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
