Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
