if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All the doctor said was why
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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