I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
