Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
