I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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