End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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