he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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