Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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