Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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