Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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