i permit you to call me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Let's get the cat blown out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
