What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
