4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
