I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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