did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize