I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
