I never want to see another naked old woman again.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
