So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
