My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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