Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you inspire me to be a worse person
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
