Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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