guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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