just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
