I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
