This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
