I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just invented taco cereal.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
