i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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