I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
