I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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