Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My liver just had a heart attack.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
