someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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