peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
