you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
