hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
