Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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