you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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