Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
