Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize