I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
