I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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