no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
