my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
