Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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