I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
