Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
