we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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