I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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