Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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