Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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