I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face