You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her