they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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