Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me