wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?