We won't sleep together?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to