In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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