so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
