Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
